Oscars Results 2010

Here we are again, folks. Seems like forever ago that I blogged the Oscars for the first time, but it’s only been a year. Crazy. I’ll do my best to keep this as “live” as possible, with retardedly frequent updates. I’m watching some of the pre-show right now because I watch a lot of Project Runway and, therefore, read a whole lot of Project Rungay (which is such a fabulous blog, even if you don’t like fashion– those boys are a fucking RIOT). This means I have started to care a lot more about fashion… that is, I like to LOOK at fashion and then go “Is she out of her mind?! WHY WOULD SHE WEAR THAT?!” So that’s why I’m torturing myself right now.

Don’t forget to check back here throughout the night for awards and reactions if you’re not into watching the whole ceremony!

8:30 PM

Strange intro… just dumps all the best actor/actress nominees onto the stage in a line and tells us their names… and Gabourey Sidibe is being hilarious by flaunting her shit when they call her. And now… they all go back to their seats… what the hell was that??

AND HOLY SHIT NEIL PATRICK HARRIS IS SINGING IN SPARKLES AND I LOVE IT. Can we just let him host every award show from now on (not the Grammys, though, because I hate the Grammys and I don’t want to have to watch)?

Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin come down from above with angels next to them… and they frolic down the stairs while holding hands! How cute! I love them already. They have great chemistry, really.

8:36 PM

I will take this time to bitch about how they have 10 Best Picture nominees. I know it gives some films more recognition, but it’s also a load of crap. They add 5 movies that wouldn’t win anyway. Whatever, I’ll let it go.

8:38 PM

I hear Woody Harrelson’s suit is made from hemp. No joke. I do like Alec and Steve mocking Avatar.

8:41

George doesn’t look amused by their jokes… or any jokes he’s about to receive. Haha but they actually made him smile! Holy shit. Good job, boys! Yeah he has to be in on this because I know he has a better sense of humour AND he clearly was cut to with a similar joke about not really mentioning him/making fun of him.

8:42 PM

Jews in Hollywood joke!

8:43 PM

I am so in love with Sandra Bullock… also, why is Alec Baldwin doing this faux-British accent thing on and off?

8:44 PM

Penelope Cruz looks great and is adorable.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR AWARD IS UP– CHRISTOPH WALTZ!!! And he did a “bingo” reference! How cute. I love him. Thank God he won!

8:50 PM

Ryan Reynolds is doing the intro to “The Blind Side” clippage. Is it because he was in that movie with Sandra? I don’t really get that. I don’t get a lot of presenters tonight. Like… Miley Cyrus (who looks like she’s 36 in her icky dress) and Kristen Stewart. Seriously, Academy… I know you want to get younger people watching, but don’t insult the rest of us, please.

8:55 PM

Cameron Diaz looks spectacular, by the way. And she’s presenting with Steve Carrell. It’s a cute bit about animated features. Annnnnd they cut to animated clips of the stars of the films (like Mr. Fox) in fake interviews. Interesting… Oh, and they are actually giving the award!

8:59 PM

BEST ANIMATED FEATURE– UP wins! No surprise there, and I have yet to see it. But we already knew that would happen, so no big deal. But still, I hear it’s good. Congrats to those guys.

9:00 PM

Amanda Seyfreid and Miley Cyrus presenting. Amanda looks sooooo much younger than Miley and holy shit what is with Miley’s voice? She sounds like she smokes ten packs a day to sound like that. And they shouldn’t let people like Mylie onstage if she is going to go “blwyaahhhh we’re nervous” because I hate her and that was stupid. They are presenting best song.

9:03 PM

BEST SONG– CRAZY HEART wins. And Colin Farrell was singing in the clip, and I was impressed. Interesting. Also, someone named T Bone Burnett just won an Oscar. Awesome.

9:05

Chris Pine doing the intro for District 9… because he was Kirk in the new Star Trek, and they are both sci-fi? I am confused again.

9:12 PM

Robert Downey, Jr. and Tina Fey kinda make an adorable couple. His bow-tie is cracking me up, as are his glasses… and everything about him. I love him. He is too funny, adorable and hot. Cute bit.

BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY– THE HURT LOCKER! Wow. I am actually a bit amazed. I thought Tarantino might take this one. I was also kinda amazed that they nominated Up for this, too. As for the winner, the writer was a journalist covering the Iraq war, it seems.

9:17 PM

HOLY EIGHTIES, BATMAN! Molly Ringwald and Matthew Broderick! And whoa Molly, not digging your look. Awwww this is a John Hughes tribute. I might cry. Matthew Broderick sounds exactly the same, by the way. And almost looks the same (except for the weight). Odd.

9:22 PM

OH MY GOD THEY BROUGHT OUT A BUNCH OF THE STARS FROM MY FAVOURITE JOHN HUGHES MOVIES! John Cryer, Anthony Michael Hall, Judd Nelson, Ally Sheedy, Macaulay Culkin, Molly Ringwald and Matthew Broderick. And now they cut to his family, who stand for applause. Now I am really crying.

9:23 PM

Oh thank God, Samuel L. Jackson is here to make me stop crying. He’s doing the intro for Up.

9:27 PM

Carey Mulligan and Zoe Saldana had to brave it down giant scary stairs to reach the microphone in their long-ass dresses and scary heels. Good job making it, girls. Also Zoe’s dress was WAY too bright and sparkley on-stage, and I hate the bottom. Carey looks good, though.

9:32 PM

BEST SHORT ANIMATED FILM– LOGORAMA (I didn’t see any of these, so I cannot comment.) HAR! It’s a French film, and the guy who made it said “Sorry about the accent.” I like him. Plus the film looked interesting. I should watch that. If I do, I’ll post a link of it here.

BEST DOCUMENTARY SHORT FILM– MUSIC BY PRUDENCE.

BEST LIVE-ACTION SHORT FILM– THE NEW TENANTS (and it has recognizable actors in it!) And the other guy didn’t get to talk.

9:38 PM

Oh my God, Ben Stiller in Avatar costume… looking TERRIFYING and hilarious. Wow, that bit was too funny. He’s presenting best make-up, which rocks because Avatar isn’t nominated since there was no make-up for those characters :P.

BEST MAKE-UP– STAR TREK. Not so shocking or exciting, but Ben Stiller really made it one of the better awards.

9:43 PM

Jeff Bridges doing the intro for The Coen Brother’s film, A Serious Man. That actually makes sense, him being The Dude and all (The Big Lebowski).

9:47 PM

Mmmmmm Jake Gyllenhaal. Wonderful, wonderful Jake Gyllenhaal. Oh, and Rachel McAdams… mmmmm Jake. Adapted screenplay time. I like the way the screenplay categories are done: They show scenes from the film with the related parts of the script over it, and the presenters read the stage directions.

BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY–PRECIOUS wins. Jeffrey Fletcher, that is. That’s a bit of a shocker. A lot of people thought Jason Reitman was going to take this with Up In The Air. Interesting.

9:52 PM

Steve Martin with a great adlib about Fletcher’s speech, and a funny intro for Queen Latifah, a former co-star of his. How cute. But the Queen deserves her own stage, which is why she’s over at a different podium looking like the royalty that she is. She’s covering the Governor’s Awards and she’s looking FABULOUS. Award recipients Roger Corman and Lauren Bacall (looking great for her age and still packing the punch with her hilariousness) are there to receive their proper standing ovation. The third recipient isn’t there and I didn’t catch it. Lauren said something about how the thought of returning home that night with a man with two legs is really exciting for her.

9:55 PM

Robin Williams made a predicatble jokes about balls. And now he sets up the supporting actresses. (AND OH MY GOD I JUST DIED AT HOW CUTE PENELOPE CRUZ AND JAVIER BARDEM LOOK TOGETHER!)

10:00 PM

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS– MONIQUE FUCKING WON! YOU GO, BIG GIRL! Seriously, I cannot believe her career. She was on everyone’s radar for “Girl’s Charm School” on VH1 and now she has a goddamn Oscar. Un-fucking-believable. From the clips I saw, she did a great job. And I just laughed at the fact that she thanked Tyler Perry and Oprah Winfrey: “Because you touched it, the whole world saw it.” It’s funny because it’s true. That was a great speech, though.

10:01 PM

COLIN FIRTH IS SO GORGEOUS! Sorry. He’s doing the intro for An Education, which I also haven’t seen and I’d like to see. Also I just heard something about a salute to horror films coming up, and now I am REALLY excited.

10:05 PM

Sigourney Weaver looks amazing, as per usual. Red is such a great colour on her. She’s presenting for art direction. Bets on Avatar?

OUTSTANDING ART DIRECTION–AVATAR. Naturally. What I think is awesome is how even Sigourney Weaver, who was IN Avatar, sounded kinda weary when she read the name outloud. That was fantastic… and did that guy just say “Jame Cameron, this Oscar see you“? Because that’s hilarious. And holy crap some guy who was told he was supposed to die about 5 years ago I guess because he has an illness is talking and there is no way they are going to play him off.

10:09 PM

Ironic that Sarah Jessica Parker is presenting with Tom Ford and being described as major people in fashion when she is wearing one of the worst dresses ever? I think so. They are presenting for costumes.

BEST COSTUME DESIGN–THE YOUNG VICTORIA (I have never heard of this film… but Sandy Powell won for Shakespeare In Love and The Aviator, so she’s clearly a period-piece-nut). Aw, she’s so jaded about getting another Oscar. How quaint.

10:11 PM

Charlize Theron has targets pasted on her boobs. Oh wait, those are flowers, and they are AWFUL. She is doing the intro for Precious. Again, I don’t get why.

10:16 PM

Steve Martin And Alec Baldwin are mocking Paranormal Activity. That was cute.

10:18 PM

Kristen Stewart and Taylor Lautner (I had to look up the spelling) are on the goddamn Oscar stage. He’s not turning into a werewolf–what gives? They are doing the tribute to horror film tribute… because I guess the fuckers at the Academy consider Twilight to fit into that genre, Go to hell, Academy. And I love that they started with Jaws because I was just watching that this morning! All in all, I loved that tribute but they included Twilight and I’m pissed.

10:22 PM

Zac Efron (apparently he doesn’t have an h or k to round out his name) and Anna Kendrick. Weiiiiiiird. Morgan Freedman is narrating a clip and sitting in the audience and makes fun of that, which is great. Of course he’s the one narrating… he’s cursed with an amazing voice. Sound editing is up.

BEST SOUND EDITING– THE HURT LOCKER. Explosions are a good bet for this category.

BEST SOUND MIXING– THE HURT LOCKER. Get your asses back up there, you fools! Also, Transformers: Rise of the Fallen was nominated in this category. My soul wept.

10:28 PM

Elizabeth Banks looks great. I love her dress. And she’s being funny. I like her. She’s doing the Scientific and Technical award coverage. Also, she walked out to the music of E.T. and I shrieked with glee.

10:29 PM

John Travolta doing the intro for Inglourious Basterds. Makes sense a la Pulp Fuction. And WHY DID THEY HOLD ON ELI ROTH FOR SO LONG?! DIE, ELI! DIE!

10:35 PM

SANDRA BULLOCK IS HERE AND SHE LOOKS AMAZING! Steve Martin did a cute intro and she’s doing a cute shtick. I love her so much. LOVE LOVE LOVE her.

BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY– AVATAR. OK, that was a fair deal. Mauro Fiore did a good job.

10:37 PM

Fuck. They are playing music from Ghost and calling Demi Moore out. And I know what this is. This is the part where we pay tribute to those who have passed. I am going to sob. James Taylor is singing for this, too. And I love him. And he’s doing ‘In My Life’ by the Beatles.

RIP Patrick Swayze, Brittany Murphy, John Hughes, Jean Simmons, David Carradine, Dom DeLuise, Ron Silver, Michael Jackson, Natasha Richardson, Karl Malden, and all the rest.

P.S. Everyone on Twitter is confused by why they played E.T. music for Elizabeth Banks. It wasn’t for her. It was for the Sci-Fi/Tech awards. Silly people.

10:45 PM

JLow is presenting with a bespectacled Sam Worthington. I love his accent and I hate her dress (and her, in general). She’s wearing shiny plastic pinned up in floppy ways. And now we’re watching tumbling and dancing while music from the best original score nominees plays. Not bad, so far. Outfits are a bit boring, though. And now there’s some weird breakdancing stuff to this REALLY slow piece from The Hurt Locker. It’s totally not jiving. I have no idea why the hell they are doing this. It looks like it was choreographed to a different piece of music and they are just going with it. Are they just trying to make everything manly or something? I don’t get it. Or maybe it’s “youthful”? This is like bad miming for this Up piece mixed with some robot moves. But now we’re getting into more logical dancing for it. OK the Avatar music is up and this feels like Cirque du Solei. And that makes perfect sense, honestly. I had forgotten the music. It’s actually pretty good.

There was a lot of flipping and stuff going on in that bit. A little odd for some of the music, but totally worked in other parts. And George Clooney just shooed away the camera looking at him. That was awesome.

BEST ORIGINAL SCORE– UP!!! I am shocked. Michael Giacchino is telling a cute little story about picking up his dad’s video camera when he was a kid. He’s telling kids to be creative if they want to be and it’s not a waste of time. That’s awesome. Congratulations, sir. I like you.

10:54 PM

Gerard Butler and BRadley Cooper. All of the women in America just went to change their panties. Also, Gerard Butler is Scottish! Did you know that? I didn’t. We’re at visual effects and I’m not sure why we’re going through the motions of showing all the nominees really (other than to at least pay them SOME respect).

VISUAL EFFECTS– AVATAR. Big shock. Dude, don’t talk about how Avatar had some deeper meaning or whatever. Seriously, it’s a joke. But I do love how basically just told all the people obsessed with Avatar that the real world is just as amazing. OK, you pass as acceptable.

10:56 PM

Jason Bateman is adorable and awesome. He’s doing the intro for Up In The Air.

I love that Clooney was just doing silly neck movements in time to the beat of the music before they cut to commercial. I love him.

11:01 PM

Alec Baldwin introduces Matt Damon. And Matt is not with Ben. Hm. Documentaries are up. I haven’t seen them. But I want to see Food, Inc. I read Fast Food Nation and that was scary and amazing.

BEST DOCUMENTARY FEATURE–THE COVE. Holy shit, I KNOW THAT GUY! THE GUY WHO SPOKE WAS IN HACKERS! What the hell?! I need to look that up, because I am confused. Fisher Stevens is his name, and he produced it. Crazytown!

11:05 PM

Tyler Perry was funny! “They just said my name at the Oscars! I better enjoy it because it will never happen again!” I am actually chuckling at him! I am confused. He’s talking about editors and demonstrating the different shots an editor can choose from. Cute bit.

BEST FILM EDITING– THE HURT LOCKER. Wow, I thought Avatar would get it, even though I didn’t think it deserved it. Bob Murawski and Chris Innis, congrats.

11:08 PM

Keanu Reeves! Looking hot, as per usual. I loves me some facial-haired Keanu! Thanks for setting up The Hurt Locker, sexy.

I’ve been leaving out most of the commercials but I might actually watch Dancing With The Stars because Shannen Doherty is in it. I love that bitch.

11:14

Aw, Pedro Almodovar and Quentin Tarantino are presenting together. Cute. Foreign film is up.

BEST FOREIGN FILM–Um… I hate to do this, but can I just say “Argentina”? It’s a long title in a language I do not know, so I can’t just jot it down quickly. Oh, the English title is THE SECRET IN THEIR EYES. YAYS! AKA “El secreto de sus ojos”.

11:18 PM

Kathy Bates is here! Looking epic for the intro to the “epic” Avatar. Ohhhhh no and she said it talks about peace, harmony and conservation. That’s just Cameron blowing smoke out his ass. Really, that was ridic. Also, they totally included a clip that alluded to the bestiality (or beast-rape, really) that is involved in Avatar. Awesome.

11:23 PM

Tim Robbins, Colin Farrell, Julianne Moore, Michelle Pfeiffer, and Vera Farmiga are here to talk about the Best Actor nominees. I am kinda confused. But Michelle Pfeiffer is talking about her work with Jeff Bridges on The Fabulous Baker Boys. Also, Michelle looks FANTASTIC, as per usual. She is so gorgeous and I love the dress. I am not looking forward to Tim Robbins. This is going to be a long one, though, because it’s already 11:26 PM and we’ve only talked about one nominee.

11:27 PM

Vera is talking about George Clooney and being close to him, and I am jealous. He looks damn good night. He looks like he really appreciates what she’s saying (as did Jeff). And now Julianne is talking about Colin, and I am swooning again. I love him. He is so charming and adorable. He looks like he’s going to pass out, though. These extreme close-ups of the nominees watching people talk about them are kinda making me uneasy. Awwwwww he looks like he’s going to cry! I am in love with him. And now Tim Robbins talking about Morgan Freeman due to Shawshank Redemption. Morgan looks like he is going to cry, too. I think I see tears. I’m “awwwwwing” because of it. Let’s do it together, shall we? Awwwwwwwww. Colin Farrell is talking about Jeremy Renner. I didn’t know they ever worked together. Strange. Colin’s been in movies with two different people nominated tonight.

11:31 PM

Kate Winslet won last year and she’s presenting now.

BEST ACTOR– JEFF BRIDGES!!! Thank the lord! Five nominations and this is his first win! Jeff Bridges! The BEST Bridges. The Dude. Finally with a gold man to call his own. And he gets a standing ovation and he’s being so adorable. God, he’s almost acting like a giddy child with this, but he’s also being emotional. I am loving his “YEAHS!” So awesome. He’s hilarious. I would have been happy if Colin won, too, but I wanted this for Jeff. CONGRATS, MAN! THE DUDE ABIDES!

Ugh, I just heard Tom Hanks and Barbara Streisand are coming up next. I need a drink.

11:40 PM

A little hiccup in my blogging caused me to miss a bunch of the spiels about the best actress nominees, but I’m back with a crying Gabourey Sidibe and Oprah’s cleavage. Stanley Tucci’s speech is cute about Merryl Streep.

11:48 PM

Ugh, Sean Penn. I hate him. He won last year, though, so he gets to present. I don’t know what he’s mumbling about with the Academy bullshit.

BEST ACTRESS–SANDRA BULLOCK!!!!! UNREAL! I am SO EXCITED FOR HER! Oh my God, she is so wonderful. And they are giving her a STANDING OVATION. Haha she’s hilarious, too! She’s addressing each fellow nominee and she’s so gracious about it… and she just called Merryl Streep “such a good kisser”. That is amazing. AND mentioned that George Clooney threw her in a pool and that she still holds a grudge! And she’s crying about her mother and thanking her and it’s making me teary. And she’s going to make her badass husband cry… and she just thanked these extraordinary women and her “lover, Merryl Streep”. Is it possible to fall even more in love with this woman?!

11:53 PM

Babs is here. And I hate her suit get-up. There’s sparkle shit happening and then OLD TITS. Too much of that is happening. She’s talking about directors. I think it’s hilarious how they keep saying things like “It could be the first woman ever, or first black person ever… or one of the other three white males.” Hilarious.

BEST DIRECTOR–KATHRYN BIGELOW! History, my friends. It has been made. And, by the way, Kathryn Bigelow is almost 60. ALMOST 60. And she looks fan-fucking-tastic. Also, she’s James Cameron’s ex. I love that.

11:58 PM

Ew, Tom Hanks. And he literally just came out and said it. I cannot believe that.

BEST PICTURE– THE HURT LOCKER!!!!!!! IN YOUR FACE, JAMES CAMERON! IN YOUR GODDAMN SMUG LITTLE FACE! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!

THIS HAS BEEN THE BEST OSCARS CEREMONY EVER!

JAME CAMERON DIDN’T GET ONE FUCKING OSCAR FOR HIMSELF! YES YES YES! SWEET VICTORY!

KATHRYN BIGELOW IS DOUBLE-FISTING OSCARS! AMAZING!

STEVE MARTIN JUST RAN DOWN FROM THE STAGE AND HUGGED MERRYL STREEP. TONIGHT WAS AWESOME.

THANK YOU ALL FOR READING AND GOOD NIGHT!